I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
