Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
