ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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