some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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