Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
