Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
