i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
