the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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