I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
