What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
