Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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