I hope mine doesn't look like that
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
