Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
