So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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