She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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