After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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