I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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