Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
pray to the hookup gods
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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