the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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