you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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