I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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