I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
