My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
