ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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