we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
