why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
