First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
