I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
