my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
