lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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