On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
