If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
