Farmville is her only friend.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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