when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
