there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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