Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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