Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
