Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
