I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
