I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
