so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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