operation have a gay friend backfired
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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