The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
