There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
