There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
