The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
FUCK WHALES
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
