You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
