Got a toothbrush?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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