So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
