maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
