my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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